Chapter 1 – The Darkness

The Darkness

I remember two bright lights… That is all that I can remember. I don’t know pain only that my entire being was being dragged down in a cold liquid, slowly consuming me and all warmth in its freezing embrace.   

  All is now darkness, all is black. I feel nothing. Is this death, is this hell? I am too scared to know. Can I be saved? Is there a God to save my damned soul? How could I not have a soul if this is not happening to me now?  

  If there is anyone out there listening to my cry, please save me from this fate! I want to live. This chilling cold and endless darkness can’t be all that there is to life, to my life now?     I feel warmth returning to me. Was I heard? Did someone rescue me? All is still dark. All is quiet. I can feel a greater warmth now? Why do I feel pain? Air! My throat hearts! Why can’t I breathe? My neck feels hard and cold. Why? I need to breathe! I don’t want to blackout into deeper darkness.    

 I can feel air coming into me? but not from where my mouth should be but my sides? What is this? What have I become? My God, have you forsaken me! I can’t hear my voice. My hands only feel a smooth surface. Do I even have a face? Will I be forever blind? What do I do? Is this my existence as some sort of abomination? Is this even life?    

     Wait many animals use different senses to see the world, maybe there is still hope to leave this darkness. Hope is all I have now. I am guessing that these creases on my sides are what is allowing me to breathe. I don’t think I can hear. All I hear is a slight ringing and fuzz static sound. Could it be something like phantom pains but by imaginary sound? How will I see the world?      Getting back on track, I seem to have a base human form. I can’t tell if I am surrounded by some sort of metal armor or exoskeleton.  Am I a bio-machine of some faulty workmanship or some faceless Bugman? There is a warmth to let me know that I perceive myself to be alive.    

 I am going to try to stand. The world feels as it is shaking and I am on a merry-go-round. Am I dizzy? Could it be that I was mistaken that this new cursed body is like my old human body? What is the chance that this is all just a horrid nightmare? If I slapped myself would I feel real pain and not only a numbing shock that I have felt from falling to my death in my dreams before? I might as well give it a try. It all feels too real to be a dream though. Can I even tell I hit myself from this armor though? I will now slap myself! Well, I feel the aftershock and heat from my palms. 

     I guess this is not just a lucid dream, but my new reality. I don’t think I can run from this. Is there any hope I can get out of this mess? Remember, I only need hope that I will find a way to leave this dark silent world. I might stumble a little but I know now that I can walk. The pain of falling against the ground will at least keep my mind grounded that I am alive.   

  I wonder am I the only one of my kind or are there others? If there are how would we communicate with one another? I can’t possibly be the only one of my loathsome kind, can I? I have to be brave, don’t let your depression get the better of you again. How could I not be depressed from this? No! I can overcome this, only the most difficult of flames make the purest of metals. This experience is only but a moment in this refiner’s fire in comparison to eternity, right? Well, now I don’t have to worry about stuff at the moment. Wait, how am I going to eat without a face? Will I be able to figure it out later?  

   Although I don’t want to, I feel sleep overcoming me. I can’t fight it. For an instant that darkness embraced me once again.